People are often impressed when they find out I am a doctor. It definitely opens doors. The glamour comes from the stereotype. Doctors on television are often portrayed as refined, academic, erudite, sweeping in to save someone at the last minute in dramatic fashion.
Physicians have no doubt capitalized on this image. I must admit, I get great service at the bank, first chair at my barber and approving nods at the school hook up line. I even got a loan for my first house by doing little more than signing my name. The deceived think we are uber-wealthy and smart at everything we do.
I’m hesitant to write more because I don’t want our little ruse to end.
But here is the truth:
Doctors aren’t as rich as you think. We basically work for insurance companies and if you are ever looking for an urban pack of wolves look no further than your HMO.
Exceptions are the Beverly Hills Plastic Surgeons and those who aren’t burdened with filing claims with insurance carriers. These are what we in the medial business call salon doc’s. They really are uber-wealthy (well as least they act like it). These guys are great with a nine iron, have an outstanding over-the-top back hand, and can make you look five years younger and they do take American Express. But as far as physician healers go they couldn’t cure an ear infection. Or they might try to cure an ear infection with Botox or an ear transplant or something.
Doctors are lousy with their money. I have seen many doc’s who think they are day traders. Rupert Murdoch in a lab coat. WRONG!
I once knew a guy once who tried to get me to go "all in" on an insider tip he had from "a friend" about a company that had developed a vaccine for the AIDS virus. To good to be true. The stock opened at 15, lingered to 10 and disappeared at 2. There goes juniors college fund.
Also more than a few doc’s think the IRS is ghost story. (You know how this one ends). I know one doc who lost his house and another who moved to Australia. The IRS is real. Likely because they are souless, heartless creatures physicians get confused by this.
Doctors are good at medicine. That’s it. It’s important, but that's it. Chances are you are good at your job. You get up everyday and go do your best. You are good at what you do because it’s what you know how to do. Your doctor is no different. If I weren’t a physician, I would have a degree in Biology. Not a lot of jobs out there for Biologist. Truth is: your doctor isn’t really qualified to do anything other than be a doctor. I could probably work at the pet store but I'm allergic to cats.
Now don’t get me wrong either. This is no cake walk. The human body is an enormously complicated machine and there are a million things that can go wrong. I made excellent grades in college and med school was a monster. The point I’m making here is that your doctor has paid his or her dues big time. I have a nice income now but I didn’t join the work force until I was thirty and even then had student loans with many zeros.
But it's all gravy now....
Today, an elderly patient came in with a stool impaction. This is when the stool gets so hard that one can’t pass it nature’s way. So someone has to go in and physically dig it out. (It is the only thing I do in the ED that almost makes me puke) There is a lot of protective gear and I get dressed up like an asstronaut going on a space walk. (Misspelling intended) So, next time some one comes to my house and sarcastically says "Oooh look at the rich doctors house", I am going to punch them in the face and reply "Hey, I dug crap out of some one’s butt hole!"
And today, I had another patient who wasn’t breathing well, the family didn’t want me to be to aggressive so instead of putting her on life support we decided to put her on CPAP. CPAP is a device that fits tight over your face like a scuba mask. It’s connected to a tube that basically blows oxygen into your lungs. It’s very much like putting your mouth over a blow dryer on full speed. Anyway, you can’t really talk once you are hooked up, so naturally once I’ve got granny going she decides there is something she really needs to say. Thinking this could be her famous last words, I pull the family close to the bedside, unstrap the device and lean over closely. She mumbles something completely incoherent while spitting on my face. It WAS an accident…..but still, granny spit on my face. Come on!
And lastly today, a prostitute called me "her bitch". Which I know doesn’t even make sense.
That’s 3 things that happened to me TODAY! The irony is that those kinds of things happen all the time. Was any of that glamorous? Hardly. Did I help those 3 patients today? Yeah. I guess so. However, I can absolutely promise you that today, none of those things happened at HMO headquarters...... Don't I wish.
5 comments:
Lovely! This is a great blog to put people in perspective about doctors and what they go through. People think that doctors, nurses, ect... have it made and that we just collect a great salary but we all work hard to get that salary. We have also worked hard in school to get our license and most of us still paying for it with our student loans.
My favorite part of your story is asstronaut, hahahaha! What's with the spitting on people this week??? I got spit on yesterday! Yuck!
i had an old guy blowing snot and blood on me while i cauterized his nose bleed. it made me sad. your blog, on the other hand, makes me very happy! thanks for sharing; it's all too true.
two more thoughts:
my degree is in spanish.
plumbers get a 10 yr headstart on us and make almost as much. we do medicine for love, not money.
oooh....so glad i just pull baby teeth! i don't think i could extract feces from buttocks! just so you know your son learned the "sh" sound this week at school....kind of goes along with your week at work as well :)
Well, you could have been a dentist you know. They still have the rich doctor aura, and they only have to stick their hands in peoples mouths!
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